Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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