My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
