I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
