I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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