Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
