just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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