when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
