She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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