if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
