Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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