I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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