they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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