Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
