bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
