This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
