Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
