My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex on a dog bed..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
