I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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