Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Randomize
