Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
