i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
