okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
