So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
