4 words: hood of his car
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
