living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
