Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
