they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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