Do you still have your period?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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