theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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