but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
