Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
