every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
