thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
