Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
