dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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