he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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