New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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