True but thats because hes a fetus.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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