I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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