There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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