i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
