dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
