he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
