I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize