Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
