I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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