Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
