I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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