Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
