we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
