His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
