So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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