i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
