i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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