I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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