Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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