just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
