Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
