That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
