apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
