I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I die, sorry about rent.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize