i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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