I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it