Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.