We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize