Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
