Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
