I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
