Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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