is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
