I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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