remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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