How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
