I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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