Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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