So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
