Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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