you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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