I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
